When Waiting Feels Stupid

I made sure to title this post something epic awesome, hence, When Waiting Feels Stupid. That’s for all the people who are waiting for something and just need to know they’re not the only ones who find the moments in the between the wait and delivery to feel quite stupid.

In many ways, the last few years of my life has felt like a perpetual wait. The wait to finish college felt like an eternity. The wait to finish grad school felt like it was going to be the death of me. The wait to search and find a job was so scary, because what if no one wanted me and I was going to end up a lame, jobless human being with a master’s degree – how embarrassing. The wait to get married, still waiting on this one, and currently my wait to find out if the house I put an offer in on is mine or not. Wait, wait, wait, wait…and wait some more.

Here’s the scoop on my current life wait at this exact moment (homebuying):

I put an offer in on a short sale home almost 6 weeks ago.

I have no idea if I’m getting this house and our bank negotiator has gone silent on us. So kind, right? I want to punch him.

If the bank negotiator doesn’t respond ASAP- the house will go to a sheriff’s sale. That completely changes the terms of purchasing this home and I’m poor and don’t have all the upfront cash needed for a sheriff sale, unless you feel inspired to gift me the cash then we can be best friends forever and ever and ever, and then I can buy the house at said sheriff sale. I also just feel nervous about purchasing a home without being able to get an inspection and so quickly like you do in sheriff sales. We need this dude to respond.

This has been the longest 6 weeks of my life because the bank guy has told us a few diff  times we’d already know by now.

Sidenote: Short sales should really be called “Ridiculously long, inefficient, make you want to die and annoying as crap sales”.

There are plenty of other things that I’m waiting for, but this is my current obsessive life wait that anyone close to me has heard ALLLL about for the past few months. I know what you’re thinking, my bestfriends are so lucky. It’s true they are 🙂

So much of your 20’s feels like it’s just one wait after another. Each long awaited ending only begins another countdown that forces you to, you guessed it, wait for something else.

Some waits are fun like waiting for a vacation or waiting to close on your new house (I know nothing of this fun waiting example). Other waits are much harder, like waiting for a husband or waiting for a miracle (this one can also be applied to the earlier husband comment). Either way, waiting is a part of life. All the days of our life have layers of waiting woven throughout them.

I have learned a long list of life lessons during my waiting seasons, past and present, and I’m only 26 and 354 days old. I cannot imagine adding a few more decades of life waiting lessons to this list. If you know me, you know I love list when organizing my thoughts, so from one waiting amateur to another be encouraged no matter what you are waiting for, the day in and day out of waiting is a cluster of emotions, none of which should be overlooked. Here’s just a few:

  • I discovered I love adventure TODAY and suck at waiting for tomorrow to bring it to me. During college I didn’t want to wait 4 years to start my life, so I made sure to fill my college days and summers with adventure to get the party started early. And I’m SO glad I did. Waiting taught me to live TODAY.
  • Waiting can be a gift. Although today might satisfy the desire to have good in your life, if you’re willing to wait you might just be gifted with something some people like to call the B-E-S-T. And let me clarify, by best I don’t mean perfect, I mean the best for you! There is a best for you!
  • Waiting has unveiled my love of being prepared. Like so ridiculously prepared, it’s a bit obsessive. But I’ve fallen in love with indulging in my life moments and I think if you’re rushed, stressed and always behind the ball you’ll never enjoy the moment you’re in today. If you plan well you can get (almost) everything you love!
  • Living for today is more fulfilling than living only for tomorrow. Today is yours, tomorrow is not.
  • Waiting can be lonely. Excruciatingly busy seasons of life (like working fulltime and going to grad school or maybe working, being a wife, mom, and human on planet earth) can make you feel ostracized from all reality and relationships as you try to keep up with your todo list, research, papers, grades, job, laundry, cleaning, life maintenance and basic life functions like eating and napping (cause sleeping is not available during those seasons just long naps).
  • When you’re lonely you’re forced to spend time with yourself. You might discover you like yourself or you might discover you’re kinda lame…or a combo of both. Either way, it’s important to spend time with yourself. You cannot grow if you are not willing to be honest about where you are today. Learn to love yourself, you’re probably way more awesome than you realize. If you discover you really are kinda boring, that’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with that either. I do recommend you surround yourself with some people who inspire you to grow in new area’s of your life though.
  • Waiting hurts, literally. Sometimes while you wait for something your heart desperately wants, your physical body can sense the emotional stress and mental exhaustion and respond with aches. Stomach aches, headaches, bodyaches and even heartaches. What are heartaches? If you’ve had them you know.
  • Waiting increases your capacity. Step one in reaching goals is to set timelines, then focus your mental, physical and/or emotional strength to be rationed so you don’t run out by the end. Unfortunately, life is stupid sometimes and doesn’t respect any kind of imposed timeline, so your due date can come and go and there you are….fashionably emptied of all mental, emotional, and physical strength because you had rationed it for the implied end date. You have a few options now – 1) fall over and die – really this option can be so appealing during the wait. 2) Take a deep breath and as my grandma would say “Put on your big girl panties” and keep going. 99% of the time waiting reveals you are stronger and more courageous than you ever imagined. Why? Because it’s in our weakness Jesus’ strength is perfected. He fills our gaps and makes the impossible, completely possible.
  • Sometimes waiting gives us time to realize what he desperately wanted, we don’t want anymore. I heard a while back “What feels like rejection can actually be God’s hand of protection”. Waiting can be all the time your heart needs to be protected from yourself.
  • Speed doesn’t really matter. No matter the speed you’re going, you are still moving and moving means progression and progression means you won’t wait forever. Even if it’s a crawl, it’s still faster than sitting.
  • Waiting exposes our three human parts- Physical, Emotional and Mental (body, mind & soul). You are not just a physical body and waiting can heighten all three components of your being – when all three are running wild I’m pretty sure Jesus’ peace is the only thing that can calm the internal storm brewing. Waiting makes us run wild and that can help us overcome and push through!
  • Waiting for what you want makes you realize there are actually many ways to be inspired and fulfilled in life.  Sometimes the things we want to be our source of comfort, adventure, fun, and love are not actually the things that will be the greatest places of fulfillment for our TODAY. They might be in our tomorrow, but there is fulfillment in our today. We have to be secure enough to let go of yesterday’s comfort’s and tomorrow’s hope in order to love today.
  • Waiting has exposed the raw, unrefined, completely unglamorous, rough, and undeniably human parts of me. Waiting sometimes makes me grumpy, anxious, annoyed and internally violent. I always find myself short on patience with other people when I feel like I’m using up all my patience during my wait, so when someone is pushing all my buttons I mentally want to punch them. I’m really not a violent person, but I can’t lie. The thought has crossed my mind and it’s made me feel a little better just thinking about it. Sad, but true.
  • Waiting makes me uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable increases my awareness I need people and most of all, Jesus to walk with me in life.
  • Waiting challenges my imagination to not accept my reality as my forever.
  • In moments waiting has made me feel like something is “wrong” with me and that’s why I’m still waiting. This can lead to a plethora of roller coaster rides: mental, physical and emotional. That’s led me to trusting Jesus has a plan for my life and his timing is perfect and his grace is sufficient. If I REALLY believe that then I cannot accept the lie that waiting is reflective of ME, but really it’s reflective of his care to execute the details and concerns of my heart. I’m still learning this one cause like I said earlier sometimes I suck at waiting and it makes me angry.
  • Waiting helps us see the human heart around us. When we have a need it makes it easier for us to recognize that same need/void in others. Awareness helps inspire compassion to love and care for the people around us.

I could keep going with this list. I’m positive this isn’t the last time I’ll be anxiously waiting for something in my life, but I do hope as each passing wait comes and goes I ride the roller coaster gracefully, passionately, and from the outside looking in I make waiting look like it can be fun.

I’ll leave you with a little fun.

As I wait to find out about my house, I’ve been gathering all the things I’ll need as a new homeowner. Here’s my latest purchase. I’m so in love with these lil ladies and can’t wait to set them up in my new house.

Image

PS: I’m also in the market for a washing machine and refrigerator. If you have one and don’t need it, let me know!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s