I’m thankful for T – I – M -E

I never thought I’d be thankful for time and I certainly wouldn’t have ever placed it as #1 in my book (or blog). I’m a think it, do it kinda girl. If I want something – it normally just takes me a short matter of minutes or hours to figure out how to get it. Time and waiting have never been requirements for me to get or do what I want to in life. And for the most part this has filled my past with ridiculously awesome memories. I’ve always wanted to love each moment well. The flip side of my lack of waiting is it can has created a lot of pressure in moments to have everything in my little world all lined up right now –  when really some things in life just need more baking time than others.

This has been something the Lord has taught me a few times over now and I imagine it will be something I’ll continuously be working to appreciate. Good news is, it’s getting easier.

I’m learning to recognize the value of alllll the time I’ve had to grow in certain areas before I was “noticed”. Really, the girl I was at 20 and the girl I am today is both the same in some ways and in others – polar opposites. Truth is I needed time to just experience life and grow up. I needed time to discover who I am and who Jesus is to me. I needed time to think through my life story and make sure I’m not operating out of hurt, but that I’m walking in freedom. I needed time to learn what it means to be a good friend, employee, and team mate. I needed time to realize it’s just not about me, my dream, my passion, and my purpose. It’s about making him famous. I needed to time to realize it’s not about walking around chasing fulfillment. I needed time to realize I am not the best thing since slice bread, and that’s ok. I needed time to accept that I can’t d this life thing on my own. I need Jesus and my family and friends.

I  just needed t – i – m – e.

I remember a season of really wanting to get married. Technically, I would still love (and do plan on) to get married one day. But in this specific season it was a real battle for me where I found myself constantly questioning if I trusted the Lord and his timing. To be honest, it’s not that I didn’t trust that the Lord has the best for me – it’s that I straight up didn’t like waiting for it. I remember the Lord speaking to me one night and comparing my wait to pregnancy. He said he had planned for pregnancy to last 40 weeks. Not 25, 32, 36 or 39 – he intended on 40. If a baby comes WAY too early, it won’t survive. Like some dreams we’re holding out for – if we try to make them happen too far in advance we can truly take out the intended purpose. Or a baby can come early and although that sweet baby may not be in a life threatening situation premie’s always have to fight harder to survive not just right after birth but long after having statistically weaker immune systems. We can stifle the short term or long term health of our dreams by not resting in the wait. OR we can have a baby on time – healthy and ready to cuddle the heck out of.

That’s why I’m thankful God is just not in a rush. And that he straight up doesn’t care if I feel we need to rush things along. It’s only from seeing the value of the time he’s given me to just grow up, enjoy life, ease into adult pressures, expose parts of my heart that needed healing and freedom, move me into new seasons, ministries and relationships all in different seasons, at different times and often not when I thought it was quick enough that I’ve learned time is such a gift.

This year he’s taught me a lot about waiting and seeing that the lessons and faith he’s building in my heart during the t – i – m – e he’s put before me is a priceless gift. He didn’t ask me to be 27 with it all figured out. He didn’t create that expectation for any of us. There’s a long list of desires I know he’s working on for me and in his timing – I know I’ll look back and be ever so grateful for the time between the prayer and the answer and the strength that was developed in me because of it.