Ponder: think about (something) carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion.

luke219

          After the birth of Jesus, there was a whirlwind of life and activities and events. So much busyness. Guest and celebrations. Honor and reverence. Recovery and adjustments. I cannot imagine the blend of feels going on. New life as a mother, trying to comprehend being entrusted with the Savior of the world (can you even imagine???), the simple task of adjusting and becoming a family in an unfamiliar city with far than ideal accommodations and having guest from afar find you – simply because of who you birthed. I would imagine they broke every last one of the “Rules for Visiting New Moms”.

If Mary and I are any thing alike and I have no clue if we would be, I would have had a real love-hate relationship with the fact I was entrusted a gift so great that it could be found by those searching regardless of my efforts to protect and hide it. What an immense loss of control. This is probably reason 328 I was not Mary.

I imagine she wasn’t anything like me, lol! She was probably deeply composed and so kind – just like SO, SO KIND. One of those, “how are you human?? You are so nice people.” It would have driven me wild if I had heard Herod was going to be killing all the babies boys. I would have devised a very good plan. Then people just showing up at my doorstep… “Hey, I followed the star to see the Savior” That would have never been in my plan. SOMEONE QUICKLY TAKE DOWN THE STAR, I WILL NOT LOSE THE SAVIOR OF THE WORLD ON MY WATCH.

I love Mary’s response though. In fact, I adore it.

It says after all the events and stuff going on But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

That’s exactly how I feel about this year. I have stored up deep in my heart all of the events, all the celebrations, all the tears (no joke, I have never cried so much in a year – bless my sweet friends who let me drive around and cry in their car [thanks, amy]), all of the victories, and all of the hard days. There were so many soul piercing and spirit soaring moments bottled up in the last 365 days. I’m treasuring them all dearly and still pondering their purpose and place and positioning.

When you’re in the middle or riding a curve in life it’s hard to draw a conclusion when you know you’re no where near the end. Learning to ponder and ponder well isn’t always natural. It’s easy to think we need words but it’s ok to not have any.

You may not know what’s brewing in your heart and life and family, but I hope you sense it. I pray this year you sense the power of Jesus present even if you can’t see exactly what he’s doing and how he’s realigning your days and steps and relationships. Let us ponder well what he has done, so we can be prepared for what he’s getting ready to unleash.

 

There were many years in my life I just wondered what God was doing. Sometimes I was pretty sure he wasn’t doing anything. Now, I see what he was/is doing – more fiercely than ever. I am experiencing what it means to be a vessel of this sort – I have no words to explain it. If you’re waiting and frustrated just keep waiting. If you were ready or if he was ready for you, you’d be there. Not everything is so personal to you (excellent life lesson). We don’t determine when we’re ready for what’s next – he does. His timing is perfect, a little painful, but still so very perfect. We can miss how good and perfect timing feels when we try to rush or prematurely make it happen. We miss the magic and delight of letting God be God in our life.

Normally at the end of the year I write a long blog about what I experienced/liked/did. I love going back to read them. It’s really just for my own benefit so I can remember my life. I have written them religiously. But, not this year. This year I’m still pondering as the waters in my soul are brewing up a new season and while I can see little pieces of its birth arising, it’ll be a while for others to get a glimpse. So until then – we can just ponder a little bit longer.

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