Scary Countdowns

As exciting (and draining and stressful and hopeful and annoying and expensive) as the process of buying my first home has been now that it’s closing week I think I’ve decided I don’t want to buy the house anymore and I’d like to be 16 again.

No joke. Who should I call first?

Too bad my house is 80% moved in/set up, I’m definitely buying this house, and I can’t rewind time no matter how much I’d like to relive year 16 and on. Good thing is I know this just a feeling as the onset of another lovely transition is approaching me. I didn’t have to buy a house, but I did/am. And I am really excited about it (way down deep on the inside), but I can’t help but feel a bit sad that I’m moving out of my parents house for the last time e-v-e-r.

Like tears, sad.

Tonight my dad came to my room before bed to hug me and tell me he is going to miss living with me. *tears* I’m going to miss living with him too. He makes me feel so safe and my new house makes me feel like I’m going to be kidnapped.

I’m very familiar with the feeling that even the best and sweetest of new seasons always come at a cost not only to myself but to others. I’ve felt the expense of others choices and it has made me so cautious and sad when I know the ripple effect my own life choices are going to have uncomfortable ramifications on someone else heart. It hurts my heart to know my choice is bringing a close to a season my parents have really treasured. It’s a real fun sucker.

I do know the sting of change doesn’t last forever and a new normal will eventually fall into place. My new house will not make me think I’m going to get kidnapped, my parents will visit me and shower me with home cooked meals (I hope!) and life will be differently sweet again.

But for now I still think forgetting all this and being 16 sounds a lot more fun.

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