A few years ago, after a string of life events, I checked out of my busy, schedule-oriented, ministry/leadership absorbed life flow and entered a season where my life was simplified. I worked, went to school, did homework….and in my spare time began to pursue Jesus just for me. I initially thought I was moving into my “selfish” life season where I got to indulge in Jesus just for me without having to be focused on seeking him on behalf of other people. Little did I realize that what I was considering as “selfish” was actually what I should have been doing ALL along.
There is nothing selfish about seeking the Lord for yourself. There is nothing selfish about spending time with him without the agenda of a million things. In the beginning I thought the reason I felt so refreshed and at ease with myself was because I was being selfish. Really the more time I spent with the Lord, the more he calmed my spirit and soul and the more I operated in a supernatural peace. I wasn’t reaping the rewards of clearing my schedule, I was reaping the rewards of making him the priority of my life. I began shifting my trust from my own hands and abilities and putting that trust in Him. The results were certainly far better than if I had been doing things myself.
Funny thing is, in retrospect, that was one of the most intense and world rocking seasons of my life. Grad school is not a joke, people. My friendships were rocked. I got a stupid health diagnosis. I worked a lot at a job I didn’t love and yet still had no money at all. BUT I was doing life differently. My life was still FULL, but my source of strength was flowing in a different way which resulted in operating in that season differently.
It’s like the difference of getting gas once a week or being hooked to an IV. I was operating on the premise of getting my gas tank filled and using it up and filling it up again in the previous season – when really God is more like an IV. We have been designed to be hooked up to him as a constant source of strength, peace, joy, wisdom, direction, etc. We should be connected to him at all times.
I knew when my season of life changed and grad school ended, I got a full time job and I started getting back involved at church again, I would face the same opportunity to do slip into old habits and run the risk of getting into the “unhealthy” place I had been before. Although my life was full in grad school, I was doing alot still but in less places. I’m so very thankful that the Lord truly does want to take us from glory to glory. There is a reason life occurs in seasons and through each one we can be challenged, stretched and changed to do life better in the next. I should have known I didn’t have anything to fear. He was preparing me all along for the next season.
On occasion I will still get anxious in moments and feel like I need to quit everything and just spend time with Jesus and forget all of life’s responsibilities that feel like they clutter my life. However, I’ve grown enough to know that even if I want to do that in moments, God has done something in this heart and has challenged me to trust him as my constant source and allow him to execute and organize the details of my life. Trusting him looks different for me in different seasons. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s a bit harder, but I’m thankful for the amazing reminders (testimonies, his word, friendships) along the way that help me let go let God be God.
Today I was reading the Joseph Prince daily devotional on my iphone You Version App. It was about the story of David and Goliath. It proposed the question, ” Have you ever wondered why David succeeded while the other in the army of Israel did not even dare to face Goliath? David’s secret was that he was the only conscious of the victory and not defeat, because he knew a God who had rescued him time and again. David was conscious of what God had done for him. he knew that God was for him loved him, favored him and would give him victory again. My friend, you can also remind yourself that the same God, who did tremendous things for you in the past, will do the same for you again.”
I love in the devotional is says to imagine David talking about how as a shepherd he had to kill a lion or bear to protect his sheep and the Lord always protected him. If God protected him then, he would do it again.”
David was aware of who God was and NOT what was standing in front of him- big or small.
I love that growth. Each season or moment in life we can face new challenges. Our past serves as the place of monuments that show what the Lord has done. They are not reminders of our weakness they are testimonies of HIS greatness. We can boldy approach new seasons and challenges because we are confident not in own ability but that the same GOD who helped us in the last moment will do it again in this one.
I’m so thankful God loves me so much. I’m so thankful that he has saved me from myself. I’m so thankful he wants me and pursues me. I’m so thankful there is no end to his love for me. I’m so thankful my own works cannot ever change or alter his love and passion for me. I’m so thankful there is no season in my life or circumstance that changes my availability to him and accessibility to his supernatural power to move in peace, grace, wisdom, joy, favor and blessing.
I’m praying this be a year that is reflective of his overflow in my life.